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I'm impervious to logic.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Impervious
Logic

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Why would we go to war on women? They don't have any oil.
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Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.
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Equations are the devil's sentences.
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If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
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Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up.
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I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law.
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I love being onstage, I love the relationship with the audience.
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All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.
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When my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one. I don't want to ride around with a quitter.
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When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
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Corporations have free speech, but they can't speak like you and me. They don't have mouths or hands.
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Forgot to live-tweet the election last night, so I'm post-tweeting today. I'll start as soon as my fingers unclench from their rage fists.
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I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.
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If we don't cut expensive things like Head Start, child nutrition programs, and teachers, what sort of future are we leaving for our children?
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My mom kind of led me toward acting. She wanted to be an actress when she was younger. That made me interested in it when I was a kid, because she and I are very close.
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Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
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I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.
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For me, improvisation is about working with a partner. That is much easier to do in the interview, because you have a sounding board.
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You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what's going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say 'yes.' And if you're lucky, you'll find people who will say 'yes' back.
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It's much better to invite the audience to be part of your show rather than saying, I command you to do this. The other thing is, you have to follow through. If you initiate a game and they take part, you can't stop until it reaches a mutually satisfying resolution.
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