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I'm impervious to logic.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Logic
Impervious

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.
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What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press.
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My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.
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The liberal Gluten-free agenda is turning our dogs lesbian.
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If you're a perfectionist and you know you're about to do something at which you cannot be perfect, then that is daunting because you know what your heart is like and the way you approach your work.
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The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun
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Everybody loves dogs. They're the pizza of the animal kingdom.
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(on fox news).... it's like watching a Disney movie about the news.
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Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.
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Cameras are dangerous. With no waiting period or background check, any whack-job could just stroll into a Wal-Mart and walk out with a semi-automatic. Now, for years I've been pressing for stricter regulations on cameras, especially around our elected officials. Too many political lives have been cut short by some crazed shooter.
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No one has any idea what's going to happen. Not even Elon Musk. That's why he's building those rockets. He wants a 'Plan B' on another world.
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I suppose fear is like a drug. A little bit isn't that bad, but you can get addicted to the consumption and distribution of it.
Stephen Colbert
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If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?
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I believe Sarah Palin is a true statesman, whose experience as a failed vice presidential candidate, half-term governor and eight-episode reality star has fully prepared her to take control of our nuclear arsenal.
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I began my day as I often begin my days, by checking Donald Trump's Twitter feed to see how far the crazy has spread. And today, I really think he's off his meds, because today he went from crazy to cruel.
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If you think you can lead your flock of sheeple and peeps to some glorified noodle fest on the mall, you got another thing coming, mister.
Stephen Colbert
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Corporations have free speech, but they can't speak like you and me. They don't have mouths or hands.
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What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!
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Senator Kerry does not support our troops. If he had won the election, there wouldn't be any troops left in Iraq. President Bush, on the other hand, has given our troops an opportunity to fight without end. That's creating jobs. In fact, the president's policies helped create 104 more job openings last month. Now who's stupid, Senator?
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Liberals want to burn the flag, but progressives just want to microwave it?
Stephen Colbert