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No one has any idea what's going to happen. Not even Elon Musk. That's why he's building those rockets. He wants a 'Plan B' on another world.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Going
Building
World
Wants
Happen
Idea
Another
Musk
Happens
Rockets
Ideas
Plan
Even
Plans

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Luckily, a recent survey published in the American Sociological Review revealed that atheists are the least trusted group in America—less trusted, even, than homosexuals. It makes sense at least we trust the homosexuals with our hair.
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All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.
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I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.
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Science attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing that comes from the gut is waste left from the digestion of food. That’s right, “waste.” I guess that means that scientists literally think our opinions should be flushed down the toilet!
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(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
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Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
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It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.
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I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
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brb, ttyl ok? wow, i saved a 'ton' of time with those acronyms.
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Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.
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If Germans are happy it means everyone else is miserable.
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And when those bombs went off, there were runners who, after finishing a marathon, kept running for another two miles to the hospital to donate blood. So, here's what I know - these maniacs may have tried to make life bad for the people of Boston, but all they can ever do, is show just how good those people are.
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Other people's deconstruction of your motivations doesn't help you do what you do. You can't swallow and think about swallowing at the same time.
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Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.
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We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything.
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Yes, Dr. King is pro-gun just as surely as Jesus would be pro-nails.
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I do my show half-hour a night four nights a week. I haven't seen my kids in 18 months, and I am losing calcium in my bones. Doctors say I should stop. I'm not going to.
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I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.
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If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking.
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Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.
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