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No one has any idea what's going to happen. Not even Elon Musk. That's why he's building those rockets. He wants a 'Plan B' on another world.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Another
Musk
Happens
Rockets
Ideas
Plan
Even
Plans
Going
Building
World
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The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That's why four leaf clovers are so lucky, you get a bonus Jesus.
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I began my day as I often begin my days, by checking Donald Trump's Twitter feed to see how far the crazy has spread. And today, I really think he's off his meds, because today he went from crazy to cruel.
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I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory
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We are the shadow cast by real people. And that shadow changes shape as the news cycle changes shape, so you always have fresh dirt to dig in.
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If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
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I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!
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I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.
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Foreign newspapers: if they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English?
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In 1986, our commencement speaker was George Schultz, secretary of state, fourth in line to the president. You get me-basic cable's second most popular fake newsman. At this rate, the class of 2021 will be addressed by a zoo parrot in a mortar-board that has been trained to say congratulations.
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I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.
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History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!
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Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York City. I'm not saying New York is the Gay Mecca. But it's at least Gay-rusalem.
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Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate to women.
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Science attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing that comes from the gut is waste left from the digestion of food. That’s right, “waste.” I guess that means that scientists literally think our opinions should be flushed down the toilet!
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Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up.
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