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Obamacare takes effect in less than eight months. Do you realize what this means? If you go to the emergency room now, you'll be covered by the time you finally see a doctor.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Takes
Finally
Less
Eight
Means
Effects
Emergency
Mean
Months
Emergencies
Time
Realize
Covered
Room
Doctor
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I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.
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No one has any idea what's going to happen. Not even Elon Musk. That's why he's building those rockets. He wants a 'Plan B' on another world.
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I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.
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I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.
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The liberal Gluten-free agenda is turning our dogs lesbian.
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I am no fan of books.
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I love being onstage, I love the relationship with the audience.
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We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and Republicans alike....We voted for the people who voted for it, and then voted for the people who reauthorized it, then voted for the people who re-re-authorize d it.
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It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.
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Thankfully, dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses.
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Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you.
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The more you know, the sadder you get.
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My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my brother Ed. As a child, I just absorbed everything they said, and I was always in competition for the laughs.
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Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.
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Football is American why are the Romans numering our bowls?!
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Winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don't need to care about science, literature or peace.
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We don't have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it'll come flowing toward us like a river.
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If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.
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(on fox news).... it's like watching a Disney movie about the news.
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