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Obamacare takes effect in less than eight months. Do you realize what this means? If you go to the emergency room now, you'll be covered by the time you finally see a doctor.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
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Months
Emergencies
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Covered
Room
Doctor
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More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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I'm getting angry at liberals.
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Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.
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If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.
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If I'm doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can't control the context, I'm loath to do the character.
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What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press.
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Writing and producing the show is an intellectual process. Performing the show is far more athletic and intuitive, because you don't get to do it twice. It helps if you've done whatever the old saw is, 10,000 hours of it. Because I've done 10,000 hours of comedy, I have this database in my mind of what works and what doesn't work.
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(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
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The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That's why four leaf clovers are so lucky, you get a bonus Jesus.
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The greatest threat facing American today - next to voter fraud, the Western Pinebark beetle, and the memory foam mattress - is the national news media.
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Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American.
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Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.
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Donald Trump is a strong president. We got to stand behind this guy is what I think.
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If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate
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It's the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country.
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Thankfully, dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses.
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I know that the pope's infallible, but that doesn't mean he can't make mistakes.
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Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up.
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I must confess that I've never trusted the Web. I've always seen it as a coward's tool. Where does it live? How do you hold it personally responsible? Can you put a distributed network of fiber-optic cable on notice? And is it male or female? In other words, can I challenge it to a fight?
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If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?
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If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?
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