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You should spend more time with your families write that novel you've always wanted to write. You know, the one about the fearless reporter who stands up to the administration. You know - fiction.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Fiction
Reporter
Write
Reporters
Wanted
Fearless
Writing
Stands
Always
Families
Time
Administration
Spend
Novel
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
Northwestern's alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody winners, Emmy winners, and that's just me!
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If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
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Can you really put a price on annoying two religions at once?
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Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
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You CAN make an omelette without breaking eggs. It's just a really bad omelette.
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I actually do not think that's how what's happening to our government is going to be stopped. I think people who are willing to be civically engaged and believe in the promises and the progress of the last fifty years that will save this country.
Stephen Colbert
New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.
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This is America. I don't want a tomato picked by a Mexican. I want it picked by an American, then sliced by a Guatemalan and served by a Venezuelan in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian.
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Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
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We [comics] create our own reality on the show. I'm in a cocoon of the character's creation. Even within that reality, he's in a cocoon. While I'm an improviser and enjoy discovery, the show follows a script. I have a pretty good idea what's going to happen. It's a very crafted, controlled environment.
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I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way.
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it's back to school time. or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.
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The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun
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If we don't cut expensive things like Head Start, child nutrition programs, and teachers, what sort of future are we leaving for our children?
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Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.
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The interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It is its own size. And grief comes to you.
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Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.
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I won't be doing the new show in character, so we'll all get to find out how much of him was me. I'm looking forward to it.
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So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.
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To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.
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