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Thinking that other people might be better than you is what makes you Canadian, not American.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Thinking
People
Canadian
American
Makes
Better
Might
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life.
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What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!
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I actually do not think that's how what's happening to our government is going to be stopped. I think people who are willing to be civically engaged and believe in the promises and the progress of the last fifty years that will save this country.
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If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry.
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Yesterday in a 25 to 24 vote, Republicans welcomed back Lott back into their leadership and named him minority whip. That is great for Trent. They say minority whip is a stepping stone to Grand Wizard.
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I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
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Yes, Dr. King is pro-gun just as surely as Jesus would be pro-nails.
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I am down with the latest trends. And everyone knows, the thing on the streets is vampires. So I have been biting people on the neck.
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Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return.
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The more you know, the sadder you get.
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Join me in standing up against any actual knowledge about guns. Let the CDC know they can take away our ignorance when the pry it from our cold dead minds.
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Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.
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I know that the pope's infallible, but that doesn't mean he can't make mistakes.
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I believe that people, more often than not, act with the best possible intentions. And when they don't, that's funny to me. That's why comedy ends up seeming cynical, because you're talking about the gap between what people say and what they do.
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I'm impervious to logic.
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I'm not a fan of the facts. Facts change my opinion never does.
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Like all great theologies, Bill [O'Reilly]'s can be boiled down to one sentence: There must be a god, because I don't know how things work.
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If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it's the sole reason they exist.
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Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you.
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Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family!
Stephen Colbert
