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If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Aren
Words
Bigs
Use
Squat
Jack

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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The beauty of new media is that no evidence is necessary. The brave blog-troopers have stormed the cockpit of news, and wrestled the joystick of authority away from the seasoned pilots of the press who would land our country at the Facts International Airport.
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Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.
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There must be a God, because I don't know how things work.
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Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or minus the facts.
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I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation.
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After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call. Nation, I will seek the office of the president of the United States. I am doing it!
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Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you.
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All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.
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I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.
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We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything.
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What are the origins of dressage? Did just, one day, some young horse say to his dad, 'Dad, I don't want to charge into battle...I just wanna dance'?
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If we don't cut expensive things like Head Start, child nutrition programs, and teachers, what sort of future are we leaving for our children?
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I know that the pope's infallible, but that doesn't mean he can't make mistakes.
Stephen Colbert
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If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
Stephen Colbert
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I could sit toe to toe at a potato table with anybody.
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When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
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And of course I don't go anywhere without my pet goldfish, Anthrax. I always tell security I'm carrying Anthrax. Yeah, sure I get a lot of guff about it, but it's a family name I'm not changing it.
Stephen Colbert
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Cain understands domestic issues because he had experience selling pizza and he understands international issues because pizza is Italian.
Stephen Colbert
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If Germans are happy it means everyone else is miserable.
Stephen Colbert
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The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That's why four leaf clovers are so lucky, you get a bonus Jesus.
Stephen Colbert