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I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Hope
Sense
Find
Whole
Quickly
Years
Saws
Time
Humor
People
Pretty
Guy

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!
Stephen Colbert
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In 1986, our commencement speaker was George Schultz, secretary of state, fourth in line to the president. You get me-basic cable's second most popular fake newsman. At this rate, the class of 2021 will be addressed by a zoo parrot in a mortar-board that has been trained to say congratulations.
Stephen Colbert
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Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.
Stephen Colbert
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We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything.
Stephen Colbert
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The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.
Stephen Colbert
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Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are.
Stephen Colbert
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I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a divided nation. Not between Democrats or Republicans, or conservatives and liberals, or tops and bottoms. No, we are divided by those who think with their head, and those who know with their heart.
Stephen Colbert
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Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate to women.
Stephen Colbert
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Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans.
Stephen Colbert
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You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut.
Stephen Colbert
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If anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.
Stephen Colbert
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Warmth is to sun, as truth is to me.
Stephen Colbert
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Texas governor Rick Perry has been in the race only three days, and he's already blowing away the competition like it is a trespassing coyote.
Stephen Colbert
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This is America. I don't want a tomato picked by a Mexican. I want it picked by an American, then sliced by a Guatemalan and served by a Venezuelan in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian.
Stephen Colbert
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Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.
Stephen Colbert
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Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American.
Stephen Colbert
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If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.
Stephen Colbert
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If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it's the sole reason they exist.
Stephen Colbert
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Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.
Stephen Colbert
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I'm obviously younger, much better looking [then Jeorge W.Bush].He didn't veto things, he didn't bring order and fiscal restraint.
Stephen Colbert