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History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Full
Personhood
Five
Constitutional
Moving
Achieved
History
Moves
Hard
Corporations
Believe
Gay
Years
Fast
Americans

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd believe in if it wasn't for that.
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I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.
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When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner.
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Yes, President Romney will not take God off our coins. And that is so important because right now, just like God, the value of our currency really has to be taken on faith.
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Equations are the devil's sentences.
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Donald Trump, yes, he's somebody's little boy. But he is his ideas because his ideas are what's going to affect us. As a man, he can do very little. But his ideas could kill us all.
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The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun
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We [comics] create our own reality on the show. I'm in a cocoon of the character's creation. Even within that reality, he's in a cocoon. While I'm an improviser and enjoy discovery, the show follows a script. I have a pretty good idea what's going to happen. It's a very ­crafted, controlled environment.
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My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.
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Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are.
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Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.
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Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?
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Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.
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For me, improvisation is about working with a partner. That is much easier to do in the interview, because you have a sounding board.
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As we all know, reality has a liberal bias.
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Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up.
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After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call. Nation, I will seek the office of the president of the United States. I am doing it!
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I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.
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It's no surprise I am addicted to all the Republican presidential candidates. They are like crack -- in that they will devastate black communities.
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I love being onstage, I love the relationship with the audience.
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