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History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Americans
Full
Personhood
Five
Constitutional
Moving
Achieved
History
Moves
Hard
Corporations
Believe
Gay
Years
Fast

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I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.
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Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.
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Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you.
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Luckily, a recent survey published in the American Sociological Review revealed that atheists are the least trusted group in America—less trusted, even, than homosexuals. It makes sense at least we trust the homosexuals with our hair.
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I hadn't intended to end up there. I meant to be a serious actor with a beard who wore a lot of black and wanted to share his misery with you.
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Charles Darwin got totally hammered, woke up next to a monkey and decided he had to come up with a theory to make it all okay.
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You have to have a passionate opinion otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard.
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I know that the pope's infallible, but that doesn't mean he can't make mistakes.
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They think I'm silly. I do silly things. I fall down and run into things. I talk to inanimate objects. I'll hold a pickup stick to my ear and say, What? What's that? I can't hear you
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The greatest threat facing American today - next to voter fraud, the Western Pinebark beetle, and the memory foam mattress - is the national news media.
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What are the origins of dressage? Did just, one day, some young horse say to his dad, 'Dad, I don't want to charge into battle...I just wanna dance'?
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We [comics] create our own reality on the show. I'm in a cocoon of the character's creation. Even within that reality, he's in a cocoon. While I'm an improviser and enjoy discovery, the show follows a script. I have a pretty good idea what's going to happen. It's a very ­crafted, controlled environment.
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I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!
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If anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.
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I believe Sarah Palin is a true statesman, whose experience as a failed vice presidential candidate, half-term governor and eight-episode reality star has fully prepared her to take control of our nuclear arsenal.
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The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
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Destroying a religious symbol and building a religious center are really the same thing if you don't think about it.
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