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History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Hard
Corporations
Believe
Gay
Years
Fast
Americans
Full
Personhood
Five
Constitutional
Moving
Achieved
History
Moves

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Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry.
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Made no mistake: America is a Christian nation. The bedrock of our theo-democracy is our Judeo-Christian values. that term, by the way, is a bit of a misnomer. It implies that Christianity and Judaism are equal.
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Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow.
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Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.
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It's the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country.
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Charles Darwin got totally hammered, woke up next to a monkey and decided he had to come up with a theory to make it all okay.
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I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.
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Equations are the devil's sentences.
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I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin. If that ever happens, it's only because something happened during the interview that got me going, and then I had to translate my feelings to the mouth of the character.
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I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!
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Will Herman Cain become the first black President that I acknowledge? I call him a dark horse because he's an unlikely candidate who surged forward, and not because he's a horse.
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We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and Republicans alike....We voted for the people who voted for it, and then voted for the people who reauthorized it, then voted for the people who re-re-authorize d it.
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In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.
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First, [in high school], I smoked a lot of pot...and that's how I got to know the people 'half in' the society of my high school and we waved at each other over the bong. Then I got to know people by making jokes.
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Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.
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Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.
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Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.
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Pain is the body's way of telling the brain it's in trouble. Similarly, confusion is the brain's way of telling the body, 'All right, buddy, drop that book.
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Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.
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