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History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Hard
Corporations
Believe
Gay
Years
Fast
Americans
Full
Personhood
Five
Constitutional
Moving
Achieved
History
Moves

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After obsessively Googling symptoms for four hours, I discovered 'obsessively Googling symptoms' is a symptom of hypochondria.
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Other people's deconstruction of your motivations doesn't help you do what you do. You can't swallow and think about swallowing at the same time.
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My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.
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I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory
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Foreign newspapers: if they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English?
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In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.
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Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.
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I imagined myself living in New York in some sort of open, large but sparse studio apartment with a lot of blond wood and a futon on the floor and a bubbling samovar of tea in the background and a big beard - living alone but with my beard - and doing theater. That's what I thought my life would be.
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A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?
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It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.
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Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.
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Like all great theologies, Bill [O'Reilly]'s can be boiled down to one sentence: There must be a god, because I don't know how things work.
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Obamacare takes effect in less than eight months. Do you realize what this means? If you go to the emergency room now, you'll be covered by the time you finally see a doctor.
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Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.
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Cain understands domestic issues because he had experience selling pizza and he understands international issues because pizza is Italian.
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