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The greatest threat facing American today - next to voter fraud, the Western Pinebark beetle, and the memory foam mattress - is the national news media.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
American
Threat
Mattress
Next
Western
Mattresses
Today
Memory
Beetles
National
Foam
News
Voter
Memories
Fraud
Media
Facing
Greatest
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Beetle

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Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.
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Winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don't need to care about science, literature or peace.
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I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.
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And though I am a committed Christian, I believe everyone has the right to their own religion - be you Hindu, Jewish, or Muslim, I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
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There's nothing more I love than McDonald's dollar menu. With just the change I find between my couch cushions, I can eat something with the nutritional value of a couch cushion.
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Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
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NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.
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I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host.
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Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return.
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Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.
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When my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one. I don't want to ride around with a quitter.
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it's back to school time. or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.
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If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.
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Northwestern's alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody winners, Emmy winners, and that's just me!
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I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a divided nation. Not between Democrats or Republicans, or conservatives and liberals, or tops and bottoms. No, we are divided by those who think with their head, and those who know with their heart.
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I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.
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Cain understands domestic issues because he had experience selling pizza and he understands international issues because pizza is Italian.
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A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!?
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Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family!
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Truthiness is what you want the facts to be as opposed to what the facts are. What feels like the right answer as opposed to what reality will support.
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