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We don't have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it'll come flowing toward us like a river.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Look
Flowing
Come
River
Looks
Judge
Thing
Rivers
Like
Judging
Toward
Experience
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More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.
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It's hard to swallow your pride. That's why I slather mine in mayonnaise.
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Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.
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Science attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing that comes from the gut is waste left from the digestion of food. That’s right, “waste.” I guess that means that scientists literally think our opinions should be flushed down the toilet!
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The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.
Stephen Colbert
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I love being onstage, I love the relationship with the audience.
Stephen Colbert
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Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.
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When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
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Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn't be learning respect for authority, they'd be learning logic.
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I'm more American than apple pie. I'm like apple pie, with a hot dog in it.
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You said in your book that at the end of the day, every politician is human. What about during the day?
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Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.
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Like all great theologies, Bill [O'Reilly]'s can be boiled down to one sentence: There must be a god, because I don't know how things work.
Stephen Colbert
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Sure, integrating schools may sound benign. But whats the use of living in a gated community if my kids go to school and get poor all over them?
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To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.
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I'm getting angry at liberals.
Stephen Colbert
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If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking.
Stephen Colbert
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I like talking about people who don't have any power and it seems like some of the least powerful people in the United States are the migrant workers who come and do our work and don't have any rights as a result. And yet we still invite them to come here, and at the same time ask them to leave.
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Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.
Stephen Colbert
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We [comics] create our own reality on the show. I'm in a cocoon of the character's creation. Even within that reality, he's in a cocoon. While I'm an improviser and enjoy discovery, the show follows a script. I have a pretty good idea what's going to happen. It's a very ­crafted, controlled environment.
Stephen Colbert