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Other people's deconstruction of your motivations doesn't help you do what you do. You can't swallow and think about swallowing at the same time.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Motivation
Help
Helping
Doesn
Time
Deconstruction
Think
Motivations
Thinking
Swallowing
People
Swallow

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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I teach Sunday school, motherf*****.
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I won't be doing the new show in character, so we'll all get to find out how much of him was me. I'm looking forward to it.
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Thinking that other people might be better than you is what makes you Canadian, not American.
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After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call. Nation, I will seek the office of the president of the United States. I am doing it!
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A mother needs to be in the home even when the kids aren’t. A messy house sends a coded message to children: “I’m not loveable. Otherwise Mother would dust.
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Writing and producing the show is an intellectual process. Performing the show is far more athletic and intuitive, because you don't get to do it twice. It helps if you've done whatever the old saw is, 10,000 hours of it. Because I've done 10,000 hours of comedy, I have this database in my mind of what works and what doesn't work.
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brb, ttyl ok? wow, i saved a 'ton' of time with those acronyms.
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If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.
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Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York City. I'm not saying New York is the Gay Mecca. But it's at least Gay-rusalem.
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Charles Darwin got totally hammered, woke up next to a monkey and decided he had to come up with a theory to make it all okay.
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What I rediscovered was the therapeutic nature of singing lessons. They're like doing yoga but for [the] inside of your body. You open up and use muscles that you don't think of as malleable.
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I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a divided nation. Not between Democrats or Republicans, or conservatives and liberals, or tops and bottoms. No, we are divided by those who think with their head, and those who know with their heart.
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Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.
Stephen Colbert
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I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law.
Stephen Colbert
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We don't have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it'll come flowing toward us like a river.
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Will Herman Cain become the first black President that I acknowledge? I call him a dark horse because he's an unlikely candidate who surged forward, and not because he's a horse.
Stephen Colbert
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Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.
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We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and Republicans alike....We voted for the people who voted for it, and then voted for the people who reauthorized it, then voted for the people who re-re-authorize d it.
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Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
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My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot. So we said, `Let's give him a promotion.'
Stephen Colbert