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John Boehner will be the new speaker unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
John
Habit
Unless
Confirmation
Blocks
Speaker
Speakers
Block

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Yesterday in a 25 to 24 vote, Republicans welcomed back Lott back into their leadership and named him minority whip. That is great for Trent. They say minority whip is a stepping stone to Grand Wizard.
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Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.
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People would say, Oh, you say you just do jokes. I don't just do jokes. I do jokes. Jokes are important. They saved my life when I was younger. Hopefully we're making things nicer at the end of the day for people. That's the entire goal, and that's the touchstone and the North Star for the tone.
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Cameras are dangerous. With no waiting period or background check, any whack-job could just stroll into a Wal-Mart and walk out with a semi-automatic. Now, for years I've been pressing for stricter regulations on cameras, especially around our elected officials. Too many political lives have been cut short by some crazed shooter.
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When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.
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Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
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Equations are the devil's sentences.
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In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.
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Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are.
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I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory
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(on fox news).... it's like watching a Disney movie about the news.
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Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York City. I'm not saying New York is the Gay Mecca. But it's at least Gay-rusalem.
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I can really find something interesting about almost anyone I talk to.
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I may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is still out there somewhere, safe in a theoretical storage space owned by giant, multinational corporations.
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I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.
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