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I hadn't intended to end up there. I meant to be a serious actor with a beard who wore a lot of black and wanted to share his misery with you.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Wanted
Misery
Meant
Actor
Serious
Share
Beard
Actors
Wore
Black
Intended
Ends
Hadn
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
The skinnification of America's jeanscape has gone too far.
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Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.
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I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.
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If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I'd be broke.
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Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life.
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Thinking that other people might be better than you is what makes you Canadian, not American.
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It's a game. That's why we call it 'the news.' It's just a game.
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I won't be doing the new show in character, so we'll all get to find out how much of him was me. I'm looking forward to it.
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When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
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So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.
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Like all great theologies, Bill [O'Reilly]'s can be boiled down to one sentence: There must be a god, because I don't know how things work.
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I believe that people, more often than not, act with the best possible intentions. And when they don't, that's funny to me. That's why comedy ends up seeming cynical, because you're talking about the gap between what people say and what they do.
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I'm obviously younger, much better looking [then Jeorge W.Bush].He didn't veto things, he didn't bring order and fiscal restraint.
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John Boehner will be the new speaker unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation.
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I have always been a fan of reality by majority vote.
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When my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one. I don't want to ride around with a quitter.
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Luckily, a recent survey published in the American Sociological Review revealed that atheists are the least trusted group in America—less trusted, even, than homosexuals. It makes sense at least we trust the homosexuals with our hair.
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I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way.
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If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.
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All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.
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