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Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Gold
Pay
Medals
Hand
Trails
Winning
Medal
Funny
Olympics
Hands
Naturally
Every
Chinese
Time
Debt
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The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.
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Warmth is to sun, as truth is to me.
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it's back to school time. or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.
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Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
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When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner.
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Cain understands domestic issues because he had experience selling pizza and he understands international issues because pizza is Italian.
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Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.
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Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. (Said to President Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner)
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Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.
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Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.
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The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun
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New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.
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There must be a God, because I don't know how things work.
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