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North Korea is willing to go to any lengths for the whole world to honor its demands of 'Ooh, please pay attention to us.'
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
World
North
Demand
Honor
Pay
Please
Lengths
Willing
Korea
Attention
Demands
Whole
Length
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.
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Writing and producing the show is an intellectual process. Performing the show is far more athletic and intuitive, because you don't get to do it twice. It helps if you've done whatever the old saw is, 10,000 hours of it. Because I've done 10,000 hours of comedy, I have this database in my mind of what works and what doesn't work.
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Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.
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When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
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Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.
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Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.
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Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family!
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If I'm doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can't control the context, I'm loath to do the character.
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If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I'd be broke.
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It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
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Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.
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I am no fan of books.
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I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.
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I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.
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Nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays.
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New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.
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A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?
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Donald Trump, yes, he's somebody's little boy. But he is his ideas because his ideas are what's going to affect us. As a man, he can do very little. But his ideas could kill us all.
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We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and Republicans alike....We voted for the people who voted for it, and then voted for the people who reauthorized it, then voted for the people who re-re-authorize d it.
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My mom kind of led me toward acting. She wanted to be an actress when she was younger. That made me interested in it when I was a kid, because she and I are very close.
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