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It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Resolve
Minds
Television
Children
Mind
Warps
Weakens
Warp
Allies
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate to women.
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If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?
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I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.
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Cain understands domestic issues because he had experience selling pizza and he understands international issues because pizza is Italian.
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If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
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I'm not a standup. I didn't start off as a writer, I learned to write through improvisation, and so that's the part of the show that can most surprise me. The written part of the show, I know I can get wrong. You can't really get the interview wrong.
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To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.
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Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?
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I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a divided nation. Not between Democrats or Republicans, or conservatives and liberals, or tops and bottoms. No, we are divided by those who think with their head, and those who know with their heart.
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Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
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It's hard to swallow your pride. That's why I slather mine in mayonnaise.
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I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
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If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking.
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The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.
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I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.
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I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.
Stephen Colbert
I teach Sunday school, motherf*****.
Stephen Colbert
Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or minus the facts.
Stephen Colbert
Truthiness is what you want the facts to be as opposed to what the facts are. What feels like the right answer as opposed to what reality will support.
Stephen Colbert
Truthiness is What I say is right, and [nothing] anyone else says could possibly be true. It's not only that I feel it to be true, but that I feel it to be true. There's not only an emotional quality, but there's a selfish quality.
Stephen Colbert
