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It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Allies
Resolve
Minds
Television
Children
Mind
Warps
Weakens
Warp
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
It's no surprise I am addicted to all the Republican presidential candidates. They are like crack -- in that they will devastate black communities.
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When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.
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Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.
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Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.
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There must be a God, because I don't know how things work.
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Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.
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There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.
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Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family!
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We have this idea in our mind that there's a separation of church and state in America, which I think is a good thing. And we extend that to our politics. Like it's not just church and state, but it's also there's a separation of religion and politics. But of course, there - there isn't.
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Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.
Stephen Colbert
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you're in business, buddy.
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NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.
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So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.
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President Bush, have a hot dog with me.
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As Shakespeare said, there's nothin' cooler than droppin' the 'g's off of gerunds!
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Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans.
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You have to have a passionate opinion otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard.
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If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?
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Can you really put a price on annoying two religions at once?
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Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
Stephen Colbert
