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I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Millions
Times
Language
Premarital
Languages
Romance
Million
Sex
Lead
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.
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The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun
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Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.
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Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? You can't laugh and be afraid at the same time - of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.
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I don't like the new president who hunts muslim extremists, I like the old president who is a muslim extremist.
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It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
Stephen Colbert
All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.
Stephen Colbert
I won't be doing the new show in character, so we'll all get to find out how much of him was me. I'm looking forward to it.
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The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.
Stephen Colbert
Will Herman Cain become the first black President that I acknowledge? I call him a dark horse because he's an unlikely candidate who surged forward, and not because he's a horse.
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Forgot to live-tweet the election last night, so I'm post-tweeting today. I'll start as soon as my fingers unclench from their rage fists.
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Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
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Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you.
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Texas governor Rick Perry has been in the race only three days, and he's already blowing away the competition like it is a trespassing coyote.
Stephen Colbert
It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.
Stephen Colbert
Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.
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Luckily, a recent survey published in the American Sociological Review revealed that atheists are the least trusted group in America—less trusted, even, than homosexuals. It makes sense at least we trust the homosexuals with our hair.
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Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.
Stephen Colbert
Thinking that other people might be better than you is what makes you Canadian, not American.
Stephen Colbert
If Germans are happy it means everyone else is miserable.
Stephen Colbert
