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I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Lead
Millions
Times
Language
Premarital
Languages
Romance
Million
Sex

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.
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I'm impervious to logic.
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I began my day as I often begin my days, by checking Donald Trump's Twitter feed to see how far the crazy has spread. And today, I really think he's off his meds, because today he went from crazy to cruel.
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Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? You can't laugh and be afraid at the same time - of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.
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I have always been a fan of reality by majority vote.
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Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. (Said to President Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner)
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The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That's why four leaf clovers are so lucky, you get a bonus Jesus.
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No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.
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I'm getting angry at liberals.
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It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.
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Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow.
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If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate
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Everybody loves dogs. They're the pizza of the animal kingdom.
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In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.
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If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.
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Thinking that other people might be better than you is what makes you Canadian, not American.
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It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
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Donald Trump, yes, he's somebody's little boy. But he is his ideas because his ideas are what's going to affect us. As a man, he can do very little. But his ideas could kill us all.
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I'm more American than apple pie. I'm like apple pie, with a hot dog in it.
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Winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don't need to care about science, literature or peace.
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