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I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Million
Sex
Lead
Millions
Times
Language
Premarital
Languages
Romance

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Agnostics are just atheists without balls.
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Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.
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No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.
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I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation.
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If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?
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My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my brother Ed. As a child, I just absorbed everything they said, and I was always in competition for the laughs.
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My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.
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Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn't be learning respect for authority, they'd be learning logic.
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I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!
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Like all great theologies, Bill [O'Reilly]'s can be boiled down to one sentence: There must be a god, because I don't know how things work.
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Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
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Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.
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If you like Battlestar Galactica...you're probably a huge nerd.
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If Obama can force you to get health insurance just by calling it a tax, than there is nothing to stop him from making you gay marry an illegal immigrant wearing a condom on a hydroponic pot farm powered by solar energy.
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Donald Trump is a strong president. We got to stand behind this guy is what I think.
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Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.
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Obamacare needs the premiums of healthier people to cover the costs of sicker people. It's a devious con that can only be described as insurance.
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And of course I don't go anywhere without my pet goldfish, Anthrax. I always tell security I'm carrying Anthrax. Yeah, sure I get a lot of guff about it, but it's a family name I'm not changing it.
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New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.
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