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I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Language
Premarital
Languages
Romance
Million
Sex
Lead
Millions
Times

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If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
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What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press.
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We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything.
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My mom kind of led me toward acting. She wanted to be an actress when she was younger. That made me interested in it when I was a kid, because she and I are very close.
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Make no mistake - they're coming for our guns. And we freedom-loving gun lovers are totally defenseless! Other than, you know, the guns.
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The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun
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Thinking that other people might be better than you is what makes you Canadian, not American.
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Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.
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Sorry, but retirement offends me. You don’t just stop fighting in the middle of a war because your legs hurt. So why do you get to stop working in the middle of your life just because your prostate hurts? That’s desertion.
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If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.
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Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.
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It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.
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I won't be doing the new show in character, so we'll all get to find out how much of him was me. I'm looking forward to it.
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I can really find something interesting about almost anyone I talk to.
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Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.
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As we all know, reality has a liberal bias.
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In 1986, our commencement speaker was George Schultz, secretary of state, fourth in line to the president. You get me-basic cable's second most popular fake newsman. At this rate, the class of 2021 will be addressed by a zoo parrot in a mortar-board that has been trained to say congratulations.
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Will Herman Cain become the first black President that I acknowledge? I call him a dark horse because he's an unlikely candidate who surged forward, and not because he's a horse.
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I began my day as I often begin my days, by checking Donald Trump's Twitter feed to see how far the crazy has spread. And today, I really think he's off his meds, because today he went from crazy to cruel.
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