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Winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don't need to care about science, literature or peace.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
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Nobel
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Literature
Automatically
Thinking
Peace
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More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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But you are also the biggest threat of all ...You are a gay person I like. Your threat is that you make being gay seem non-threatening. It's almost as if your happiness does not take mine away.
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Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.
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I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory
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If we don't cut expensive things like Head Start, child nutrition programs, and teachers, what sort of future are we leaving for our children?
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It's a game. That's why we call it 'the news.' It's just a game.
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Northwestern's alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody winners, Emmy winners, and that's just me!
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Agnostics are just atheists without balls.
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I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!
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Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?
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Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.
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I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host.
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If I thought I knew what was going to happen, it wouldn't be worth doing. The challenge is how joyfully, with what sense of fun and adventure and playfulness, we will greet it. We don't have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it'll come flowing toward us like a river.
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There must be a God, because I don't know how things work.
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What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press.
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There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.
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No one has any idea what's going to happen. Not even Elon Musk. That's why he's building those rockets. He wants a 'Plan B' on another world.
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Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.
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I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin. If that ever happens, it's only because something happened during the interview that got me going, and then I had to translate my feelings to the mouth of the character.
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Cain understands domestic issues because he had experience selling pizza and he understands international issues because pizza is Italian.
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Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.
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