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Like all great theologies, Bill [O'Reilly]'s can be boiled down to one sentence: There must be a god, because I don't know how things work.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
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Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
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More quotes by Stephen Colbert
Destroying a religious symbol and building a religious center are really the same thing if you don't think about it.
Stephen Colbert
You know what I hate about people who criticize you? They - they criticize what you say but they never give you credit for how loud you say it.
Stephen Colbert
I hadn't intended to end up there. I meant to be a serious actor with a beard who wore a lot of black and wanted to share his misery with you.
Stephen Colbert
Obamacare needs the premiums of healthier people to cover the costs of sicker people. It's a devious con that can only be described as insurance.
Stephen Colbert
What I rediscovered was the therapeutic nature of singing lessons. They're like doing yoga but for [the] inside of your body. You open up and use muscles that you don't think of as malleable.
Stephen Colbert
You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut.
Stephen Colbert
Warmth is to sun, as truth is to me.
Stephen Colbert
It's much better to invite the audience to be part of your show rather than saying, I command you to do this. The other thing is, you have to follow through. If you initiate a game and they take part, you can't stop until it reaches a mutually satisfying resolution.
Stephen Colbert
Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return.
Stephen Colbert
I'm not a standup. I didn't start off as a writer, I learned to write through improvisation, and so that's the part of the show that can most surprise me. The written part of the show, I know I can get wrong. You can't really get the interview wrong.
Stephen Colbert
I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.
Stephen Colbert
History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!
Stephen Colbert
Foreign newspapers: if they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English?
Stephen Colbert
When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
Stephen Colbert
People would say, Oh, you say you just do jokes. I don't just do jokes. I do jokes. Jokes are important. They saved my life when I was younger. Hopefully we're making things nicer at the end of the day for people. That's the entire goal, and that's the touchstone and the North Star for the tone.
Stephen Colbert
Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.
Stephen Colbert
There must be a God, because I don't know how things work.
Stephen Colbert
I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!
Stephen Colbert
I do my show half-hour a night four nights a week. I haven't seen my kids in 18 months, and I am losing calcium in my bones. Doctors say I should stop. I'm not going to.
Stephen Colbert
It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.
Stephen Colbert
