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You know what I hate about people who criticize you? They - they criticize what you say but they never give you credit for how loud you say it.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Credit
Hate
Give
Giving
Never
People
Criticize
Loud

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Equations are the devil's sentences.
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Why would we go to war on women? They don't have any oil.
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When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner.
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If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?
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Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.
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I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!
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When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
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If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it's the sole reason they exist.
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I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory
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I deliver my Truth hot and hard.
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You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what's going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say 'yes.' And if you're lucky, you'll find people who will say 'yes' back.
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The greatest threat facing American today - next to voter fraud, the Western Pinebark beetle, and the memory foam mattress - is the national news media.
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I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host.
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Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.
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If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking.
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Join me in standing up against any actual knowledge about guns. Let the CDC know they can take away our ignorance when the pry it from our cold dead minds.
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It's no surprise I am addicted to all the Republican presidential candidates. They are like crack -- in that they will devastate black communities.
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There must be a God, because I don't know how things work.
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Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.
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Make no mistake - they're coming for our guns. And we freedom-loving gun lovers are totally defenseless! Other than, you know, the guns.
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