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You know what I hate about people who criticize you? They - they criticize what you say but they never give you credit for how loud you say it.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
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Criticize
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Credit
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are.
Stephen Colbert
It's hard to swallow your pride. That's why I slather mine in mayonnaise.
Stephen Colbert
So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.
Stephen Colbert
I could sit toe to toe at a potato table with anybody.
Stephen Colbert
I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.
Stephen Colbert
Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.
Stephen Colbert
I'm a huge news junkie. I love what the news does.
Stephen Colbert
Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.
Stephen Colbert
I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host.
Stephen Colbert
I'm more American than apple pie. I'm like apple pie, with a hot dog in it.
Stephen Colbert
Sure, integrating schools may sound benign. But whats the use of living in a gated community if my kids go to school and get poor all over them?
Stephen Colbert
The greatest threat facing American today - next to voter fraud, the Western Pinebark beetle, and the memory foam mattress - is the national news media.
Stephen Colbert
Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.
Stephen Colbert
Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
Stephen Colbert
Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
Stephen Colbert
John Boehner will be the new speaker unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation.
Stephen Colbert
I began my day as I often begin my days, by checking Donald Trump's Twitter feed to see how far the crazy has spread. And today, I really think he's off his meds, because today he went from crazy to cruel.
Stephen Colbert
...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.
Stephen Colbert
I am down with the latest trends. And everyone knows, the thing on the streets is vampires. So I have been biting people on the neck.
Stephen Colbert
I've always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can't judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?
Stephen Colbert
