Quote

I do my show half-hour a night four nights a week. I haven't seen my kids in 18 months, and I am losing calcium in my bones. Doctors say I should stop. I'm not going to.

Stephen Colbert

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Going
Stop
Doctors
Four
Hour
Hours
Havens
Half
Haven
Show
Losing
Night
Months
Calcium
Shows
Week
Nights
Kids
Seen
Bones

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

Image
Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Like all great theologies, Bill [O'Reilly]'s can be boiled down to one sentence: There must be a god, because I don't know how things work.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Liberals want to burn the flag, but progressives just want to microwave it?
Stephen Colbert
Image
In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.
Stephen Colbert
Image
A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!?
Stephen Colbert
Image
No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Baby carrots are making me gay.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Football is American why are the Romans numering our bowls?!
Stephen Colbert
Image
If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.
Stephen Colbert
Image
History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!
Stephen Colbert
Image
If you're a perfectionist and you know you're about to do something at which you cannot be perfect, then that is daunting because you know what your heart is like and the way you approach your work.
Stephen Colbert
Image
You CAN make an omelette without breaking eggs. It's just a really bad omelette.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!
Stephen Colbert
Image
If I'm doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can't control the context, I'm loath to do the character.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I imagined myself living in New York in some sort of open, large but sparse studio apartment with a lot of blond wood and a futon on the floor and a bubbling samovar of tea in the background and a big beard - living alone but with my beard - and doing theater. That's what I thought my life would be.
Stephen Colbert
Image
New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.
Stephen Colbert
Image
My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.
Stephen Colbert