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I do my show half-hour a night four nights a week. I haven't seen my kids in 18 months, and I am losing calcium in my bones. Doctors say I should stop. I'm not going to.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Going
Stop
Doctors
Four
Hour
Hours
Havens
Half
Haven
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Losing
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Months
Calcium
Shows
Week
Nights
Kids
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Bones
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I teach Sunday school, motherf*****.
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Truthiness is what you want the facts to be as opposed to what the facts are. What feels like the right answer as opposed to what reality will support.
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Some say, 'Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.' I say, 'Those who ignore history are in for a big surprise.'
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I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.
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I believe that people, more often than not, act with the best possible intentions. And when they don't, that's funny to me. That's why comedy ends up seeming cynical, because you're talking about the gap between what people say and what they do.
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There's a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer.
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Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return.
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I know that the pope's infallible, but that doesn't mean he can't make mistakes.
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Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up.
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I imagined myself living in New York in some sort of open, large but sparse studio apartment with a lot of blond wood and a futon on the floor and a bubbling samovar of tea in the background and a big beard - living alone but with my beard - and doing theater. That's what I thought my life would be.
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Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.
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Destroying a religious symbol and building a religious center are really the same thing if you don't think about it.
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I won't be doing the new show in character, so we'll all get to find out how much of him was me. I'm looking forward to it.
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If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.
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I love being onstage, I love the relationship with the audience.
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I'm impervious to logic.
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A mother needs to be in the home even when the kids aren’t. A messy house sends a coded message to children: “I’m not loveable. Otherwise Mother would dust.
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Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.
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