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I could sit toe to toe at a potato table with anybody.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Table
Tables
Anybody
Potato
Potatoes
Toes

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.
Stephen Colbert
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I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin. If that ever happens, it's only because something happened during the interview that got me going, and then I had to translate my feelings to the mouth of the character.
Stephen Colbert
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Obamacare takes effect in less than eight months. Do you realize what this means? If you go to the emergency room now, you'll be covered by the time you finally see a doctor.
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Yes, President Romney will not take God off our coins. And that is so important because right now, just like God, the value of our currency really has to be taken on faith.
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I began my day as I often begin my days, by checking Donald Trump's Twitter feed to see how far the crazy has spread. And today, I really think he's off his meds, because today he went from crazy to cruel.
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I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!
Stephen Colbert
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Charles Darwin got totally hammered, woke up next to a monkey and decided he had to come up with a theory to make it all okay.
Stephen Colbert
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Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.
Stephen Colbert
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Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.
Stephen Colbert
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I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
Stephen Colbert
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Obamacare needs the premiums of healthier people to cover the costs of sicker people. It's a devious con that can only be described as insurance.
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Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.
Stephen Colbert
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In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.
Stephen Colbert
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Why would we go to war on women? They don't have any oil.
Stephen Colbert
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Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.
Stephen Colbert
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I don't think anybody can with a straight face say that the Russians did not set out to influence our election, and they did so.
Stephen Colbert
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Cain understands domestic issues because he had experience selling pizza and he understands international issues because pizza is Italian.
Stephen Colbert
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Pain is the body's way of telling the brain it's in trouble. Similarly, confusion is the brain's way of telling the body, 'All right, buddy, drop that book.
Stephen Colbert
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I like talking about people who don't have any power and it seems like some of the least powerful people in the United States are the migrant workers who come and do our work and don't have any rights as a result. And yet we still invite them to come here, and at the same time ask them to leave.
Stephen Colbert
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You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what's going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say 'yes.' And if you're lucky, you'll find people who will say 'yes' back.
Stephen Colbert