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I know that the pope's infallible, but that doesn't mean he can't make mistakes.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Mean
Make
Infallible
Pope
Mistakes
Mistake
Religion
Doesn

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The greatest threat facing American today - next to voter fraud, the Western Pinebark beetle, and the memory foam mattress - is the national news media.
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Sure, integrating schools may sound benign. But whats the use of living in a gated community if my kids go to school and get poor all over them?
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In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.
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You should spend more time with your families write that novel you've always wanted to write. You know, the one about the fearless reporter who stands up to the administration. You know - fiction.
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I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.
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(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
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I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.
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The liberal Gluten-free agenda is turning our dogs lesbian.
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Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.
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Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.
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If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it's the sole reason they exist.
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I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a divided nation. Not between Democrats or Republicans, or conservatives and liberals, or tops and bottoms. No, we are divided by those who think with their head, and those who know with their heart.
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If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?
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Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
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I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.
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We don't have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it'll come flowing toward us like a river.
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We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and Republicans alike....We voted for the people who voted for it, and then voted for the people who reauthorized it, then voted for the people who re-re-authorize d it.
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Liberals want to burn the flag, but progressives just want to microwave it?
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In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.
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If I'm doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can't control the context, I'm loath to do the character.
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