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I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Minute
Writer
Unambitious
Minutes
Executive
Takes
Producer
Every
Accused
Executives
Host
Producers

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.
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Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American.
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New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.
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The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun
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I'm not a fan of the facts. Facts change my opinion never does.
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I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way.
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Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.
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You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what's going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say 'yes.' And if you're lucky, you'll find people who will say 'yes' back.
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Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family!
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I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.
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It's a game. That's why we call it 'the news.' It's just a game.
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The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That's why four leaf clovers are so lucky, you get a bonus Jesus.
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Yes, President Romney will not take God off our coins. And that is so important because right now, just like God, the value of our currency really has to be taken on faith.
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Obamacare needs the premiums of healthier people to cover the costs of sicker people. It's a devious con that can only be described as insurance.
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Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
Stephen Colbert
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Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.
Stephen Colbert
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My mom kind of led me toward acting. She wanted to be an actress when she was younger. That made me interested in it when I was a kid, because she and I are very close.
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In 1986, our commencement speaker was George Schultz, secretary of state, fourth in line to the president. You get me-basic cable's second most popular fake newsman. At this rate, the class of 2021 will be addressed by a zoo parrot in a mortar-board that has been trained to say congratulations.
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When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.
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I believe Sarah Palin is a true statesman, whose experience as a failed vice presidential candidate, half-term governor and eight-episode reality star has fully prepared her to take control of our nuclear arsenal.
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