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I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Illusions
Blow
Illusion
Actor
Actors
Everyone
Hate

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return.
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It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.
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Can't wait for tomorrow when I get to exercise my patriotic duty as an American: Complaining about how long it's taking to VOTE.
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If I'm doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can't control the context, I'm loath to do the character.
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I am no fan of books.
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I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory
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The liberal Gluten-free agenda is turning our dogs lesbian.
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Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American.
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Made no mistake: America is a Christian nation. The bedrock of our theo-democracy is our Judeo-Christian values. that term, by the way, is a bit of a misnomer. It implies that Christianity and Judaism are equal.
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I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.
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If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.
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I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical.
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Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
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I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a divided nation. Not between Democrats or Republicans, or conservatives and liberals, or tops and bottoms. No, we are divided by those who think with their head, and those who know with their heart.
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I would say laughter is the best medicine. But it's more than that. It's an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids.
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Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.
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If we don't cut expensive things like Head Start, child nutrition programs, and teachers, what sort of future are we leaving for our children?
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If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?
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Destroying a religious symbol and building a religious center are really the same thing if you don't think about it.
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Science attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing that comes from the gut is waste left from the digestion of food. That’s right, “waste.” I guess that means that scientists literally think our opinions should be flushed down the toilet!
Stephen Colbert