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Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Swelling
Psyche
Brings
Laughter
National
Inspirational

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Sorry, but retirement offends me. You don’t just stop fighting in the middle of a war because your legs hurt. So why do you get to stop working in the middle of your life just because your prostate hurts? That’s desertion.
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it's back to school time. or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.
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Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American.
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If you think you can lead your flock of sheeple and peeps to some glorified noodle fest on the mall, you got another thing coming, mister.
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Football is American why are the Romans numering our bowls?!
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(on fox news).... it's like watching a Disney movie about the news.
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...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.
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You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what's going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say 'yes.' And if you're lucky, you'll find people who will say 'yes' back.
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I could sit toe to toe at a potato table with anybody.
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Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate to women.
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If you're a perfectionist and you know you're about to do something at which you cannot be perfect, then that is daunting because you know what your heart is like and the way you approach your work.
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Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.
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I'm not a truthiness fanatic, I'm truthiness's father.
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Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.
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Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.
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When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
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