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Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Swelling
Psyche
Brings
Laughter
National
Inspirational

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News for the godless: religion is inescapable. there has never been a human society without some form of worship. And don't point to communist societies like the Soviet Union - they worshipped blue jeans.
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Nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays.
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So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.
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I do my show half-hour a night four nights a week. I haven't seen my kids in 18 months, and I am losing calcium in my bones. Doctors say I should stop. I'm not going to.
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You know what I hate about people who criticize you? They - they criticize what you say but they never give you credit for how loud you say it.
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I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!
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When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
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First, [in high school], I smoked a lot of pot...and that's how I got to know the people 'half in' the society of my high school and we waved at each other over the bong. Then I got to know people by making jokes.
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I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory
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(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
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If anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.
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Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.
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Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up.
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If Germans are happy it means everyone else is miserable.
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In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.
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Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry.
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The liberal Gluten-free agenda is turning our dogs lesbian.
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