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Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Inspirational
Swelling
Psyche
Brings
Laughter
National

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If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?
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Truthiness is what you want the facts to be as opposed to what the facts are. What feels like the right answer as opposed to what reality will support.
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Obamacare takes effect in less than eight months. Do you realize what this means? If you go to the emergency room now, you'll be covered by the time you finally see a doctor.
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We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything.
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What are the origins of dressage? Did just, one day, some young horse say to his dad, 'Dad, I don't want to charge into battle...I just wanna dance'?
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Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.
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brb, ttyl ok? wow, i saved a 'ton' of time with those acronyms.
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You said in your book that at the end of the day, every politician is human. What about during the day?
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I've always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can't judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?
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A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!?
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And of course I don't go anywhere without my pet goldfish, Anthrax. I always tell security I'm carrying Anthrax. Yeah, sure I get a lot of guff about it, but it's a family name I'm not changing it.
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Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are.
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If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.
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My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my brother Ed. As a child, I just absorbed everything they said, and I was always in competition for the laughs.
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You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut.
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Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
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I'm not a standup. I didn't start off as a writer, I learned to write through improvisation, and so that's the part of the show that can most surprise me. The written part of the show, I know I can get wrong. You can't really get the interview wrong.
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You know what I hate about people who criticize you? They - they criticize what you say but they never give you credit for how loud you say it.
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When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.
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I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
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