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I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Internet
Else
Back
Much
Would
Offer
Love
Loves
Offers
Sex

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
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I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!
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It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.
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As we all know, reality has a liberal bias.
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In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.
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I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.
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I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical.
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After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call. Nation, I will seek the office of the president of the United States. I am doing it!
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Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.
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The skinnification of America's jeanscape has gone too far.
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Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you.
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And though I am a committed Christian, I believe everyone has the right to their own religion - be you Hindu, Jewish, or Muslim, I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
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Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.
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Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
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Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or minus the facts.
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(on fox news).... it's like watching a Disney movie about the news.
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Nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays.
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As Shakespeare said, there's nothin' cooler than droppin' the 'g's off of gerunds!
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Like all great theologies, Bill [O'Reilly]'s can be boiled down to one sentence: There must be a god, because I don't know how things work.
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I'm not a truthiness fanatic, I'm truthiness's father.
Stephen Colbert