Quote

I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?

Stephen Colbert

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Back
Much
Would
Offer
Love
Loves
Offers
Sex
Internet
Else

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

Image
Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.
Stephen Colbert
Image
This is America. I don't want a tomato picked by a Mexican. I want it picked by an American, then sliced by a Guatemalan and served by a Venezuelan in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Like all great theologies, Bill [O'Reilly]'s can be boiled down to one sentence: There must be a god, because I don't know how things work.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.
Stephen Colbert
Image
The liberal Gluten-free agenda is turning our dogs lesbian.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I am no fan of books.
Stephen Colbert
Image
You have to have a passionate opinion otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Warmth is to sun, as truth is to me.
Stephen Colbert
Image
The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
Stephen Colbert
Image
When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner.
Stephen Colbert
Image
No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is still out there somewhere, safe in a theoretical storage space owned by giant, multinational corporations.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!
Stephen Colbert
Image
I suppose fear is like a drug. A little bit isn't that bad, but you can get addicted to the consumption and distribution of it.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Join me in standing up against any actual knowledge about guns. Let the CDC know they can take away our ignorance when the pry it from our cold dead minds.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.
Stephen Colbert
Image
We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Truthiness is what you want the facts to be as opposed to what the facts are. What feels like the right answer as opposed to what reality will support.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I know that the pope's infallible, but that doesn't mean he can't make mistakes.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Obamacare needs the premiums of healthier people to cover the costs of sicker people. It's a devious con that can only be described as insurance.
Stephen Colbert