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You CAN make an omelette without breaking eggs. It's just a really bad omelette.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Eggs
Breaking
Without
Really
Make
Omelette

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You know what I hate about people who criticize you? They - they criticize what you say but they never give you credit for how loud you say it.
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The more you know, the sadder you get.
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Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are.
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You have to have a passionate opinion otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard.
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Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.
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Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return.
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Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life.
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If Obama can force you to get health insurance just by calling it a tax, than there is nothing to stop him from making you gay marry an illegal immigrant wearing a condom on a hydroponic pot farm powered by solar energy.
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Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you're in business, buddy.
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In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.” Sorry, Darwin-huggers, but it’s not “In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.
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Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
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Donald Trump is a strong president. We got to stand behind this guy is what I think.
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When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
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I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.
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Sorry to disappoint the liberals who tuned in tonight to gloat about Obama's lead in every poll, but I am not worried. McCain may be behind, but the man is a fighter. He doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit.' He used to, but it was stored in the same part of his brain that remembered to vet his running mate.
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I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.
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(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
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No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.
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We have this idea in our mind that there's a separation of church and state in America, which I think is a good thing. And we extend that to our politics. Like it's not just church and state, but it's also there's a separation of religion and politics. But of course, there - there isn't.
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Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family!
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