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I'm getting angry at liberals.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Angry
Getting
Liberals

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything.
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The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
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You should spend more time with your families write that novel you've always wanted to write. You know, the one about the fearless reporter who stands up to the administration. You know - fiction.
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Thankfully, dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses.
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If Germans are happy it means everyone else is miserable.
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Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
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I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.
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If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate
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Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.
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Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.
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After obsessively Googling symptoms for four hours, I discovered 'obsessively Googling symptoms' is a symptom of hypochondria.
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News for the godless: religion is inescapable. there has never been a human society without some form of worship. And don't point to communist societies like the Soviet Union - they worshipped blue jeans.
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My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot. So we said, `Let's give him a promotion.'
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Like all great theologies, Bill [O'Reilly]'s can be boiled down to one sentence: There must be a god, because I don't know how things work.
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I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way.
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And of course I don't go anywhere without my pet goldfish, Anthrax. I always tell security I'm carrying Anthrax. Yeah, sure I get a lot of guff about it, but it's a family name I'm not changing it.
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it's back to school time. or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.
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It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.
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Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.
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I'm not a fan of the facts. Facts change my opinion never does.
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