Quote

Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Thirty
Married
Single
Malt
Going
Scotch
Years
Settle
Settling
Hey
Stomach

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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You have to have a passionate opinion otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard.
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If Corporations are people, I guarantee you that a government of those people, by those people, and for those people will continue to exist.
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It's a game. That's why we call it 'the news.' It's just a game.
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A mother needs to be in the home even when the kids aren’t. A messy house sends a coded message to children: “I’m not loveable. Otherwise Mother would dust.
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When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.
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You CAN make an omelette without breaking eggs. It's just a really bad omelette.
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I'm impervious to logic.
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Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. (Said to President Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner)
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I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.
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Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.
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Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.
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If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!
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Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
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Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.
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It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.
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Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry.
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For me, improvisation is about working with a partner. That is much easier to do in the interview, because you have a sounding board.
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If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I'd be broke.
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I like talking about people who don't have any power and it seems like some of the least powerful people in the United States are the migrant workers who come and do our work and don't have any rights as a result. And yet we still invite them to come here, and at the same time ask them to leave.
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Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you're in business, buddy.
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