Quote

Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Going
Scotch
Years
Settle
Settling
Hey
Stomach
Thirty
Married
Single
Malt

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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The beauty of new media is that no evidence is necessary. The brave blog-troopers have stormed the cockpit of news, and wrestled the joystick of authority away from the seasoned pilots of the press who would land our country at the Facts International Airport.
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I'm more American than apple pie. I'm like apple pie, with a hot dog in it.
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brb, ttyl ok? wow, i saved a 'ton' of time with those acronyms.
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I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.
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So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.
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Cameras are dangerous. With no waiting period or background check, any whack-job could just stroll into a Wal-Mart and walk out with a semi-automatic. Now, for years I've been pressing for stricter regulations on cameras, especially around our elected officials. Too many political lives have been cut short by some crazed shooter.
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You have to have a passionate opinion otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard.
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Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry.
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What are the origins of dressage? Did just, one day, some young horse say to his dad, 'Dad, I don't want to charge into battle...I just wanna dance'?
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Northwestern's alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody winners, Emmy winners, and that's just me!
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I hadn't intended to end up there. I meant to be a serious actor with a beard who wore a lot of black and wanted to share his misery with you.
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I teach Sunday school, motherf*****.
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If you like Battlestar Galactica...you're probably a huge nerd.
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I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.
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The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.
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I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!
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NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.
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Once I'm performing the show, I think that hour show has a certain intimacy with our audience. And that intimacy is through the lens and the live audience is a witness to that, whereas the audience at home is actually the object of my efforts.
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Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.
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If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry.
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