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Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Many
Great
Oedipus
Life
Ruined
Bliss
Questions
Sex
Asking
Ignorance

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Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.
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We [comics] create our own reality on the show. I'm in a cocoon of the character's creation. Even within that reality, he's in a cocoon. While I'm an improviser and enjoy discovery, the show follows a script. I have a pretty good idea what's going to happen. It's a very ­crafted, controlled environment.
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The beauty of new media is that no evidence is necessary. The brave blog-troopers have stormed the cockpit of news, and wrestled the joystick of authority away from the seasoned pilots of the press who would land our country at the Facts International Airport.
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If I'm doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can't control the context, I'm loath to do the character.
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Equations are the devil's sentences.
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We don't have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it'll come flowing toward us like a river.
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I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
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I am no fan of books.
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You CAN make an omelette without breaking eggs. It's just a really bad omelette.
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it's back to school time. or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.
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Writing and producing the show is an intellectual process. Performing the show is far more athletic and intuitive, because you don't get to do it twice. It helps if you've done whatever the old saw is, 10,000 hours of it. Because I've done 10,000 hours of comedy, I have this database in my mind of what works and what doesn't work.
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I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical.
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Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.
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All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.
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The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.
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I'm impervious to logic.
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Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.
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Obamacare takes effect in less than eight months. Do you realize what this means? If you go to the emergency room now, you'll be covered by the time you finally see a doctor.
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If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate
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Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
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