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Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Life
Ruined
Bliss
Questions
Sex
Asking
Ignorance
Many
Great
Oedipus

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You said in your book that at the end of the day, every politician is human. What about during the day?
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Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.
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What I rediscovered was the therapeutic nature of singing lessons. They're like doing yoga but for [the] inside of your body. You open up and use muscles that you don't think of as malleable.
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Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.
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I began my day as I often begin my days, by checking Donald Trump's Twitter feed to see how far the crazy has spread. And today, I really think he's off his meds, because today he went from crazy to cruel.
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Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.
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Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.
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Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.
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Can you really put a price on annoying two religions at once?
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Writing and producing the show is an intellectual process. Performing the show is far more athletic and intuitive, because you don't get to do it twice. It helps if you've done whatever the old saw is, 10,000 hours of it. Because I've done 10,000 hours of comedy, I have this database in my mind of what works and what doesn't work.
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I don't think anybody can with a straight face say that the Russians did not set out to influence our election, and they did so.
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The more you know, the sadder you get.
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Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.
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Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you're in business, buddy.
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Texas governor Rick Perry has been in the race only three days, and he's already blowing away the competition like it is a trespassing coyote.
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Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life.
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I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin. If that ever happens, it's only because something happened during the interview that got me going, and then I had to translate my feelings to the mouth of the character.
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