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I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Cocoon
Cocoons
Butterflies
Butterfly
Stomach

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Can't wait for tomorrow when I get to exercise my patriotic duty as an American: Complaining about how long it's taking to VOTE.
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It's hard to swallow your pride. That's why I slather mine in mayonnaise.
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Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you're in business, buddy.
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What I rediscovered was the therapeutic nature of singing lessons. They're like doing yoga but for [the] inside of your body. You open up and use muscles that you don't think of as malleable.
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If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.
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I deliver my Truth hot and hard.
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it's back to school time. or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.
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If Corporations are people, I guarantee you that a government of those people, by those people, and for those people will continue to exist.
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When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.
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I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host.
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Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
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Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans.
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When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner.
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Don't cry over spilled milk-- get angry and punch a cow.
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History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!
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Everybody loves dogs. They're the pizza of the animal kingdom.
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To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.
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A mother needs to be in the home even when the kids aren’t. A messy house sends a coded message to children: “I’m not loveable. Otherwise Mother would dust.
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