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I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Cocoons
Butterflies
Butterfly
Stomach
Cocoon

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We don't have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it'll come flowing toward us like a river.
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The more you know, the sadder you get.
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Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry.
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If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?
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When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner.
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Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? You can't laugh and be afraid at the same time - of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.
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If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!
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John Boehner will be the new speaker unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation.
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Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return.
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Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.
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I'm getting angry at liberals.
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brb, ttyl ok? wow, i saved a 'ton' of time with those acronyms.
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In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.
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it's back to school time. or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.
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Liberals want to burn the flag, but progressives just want to microwave it?
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I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.
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I do my show half-hour a night four nights a week. I haven't seen my kids in 18 months, and I am losing calcium in my bones. Doctors say I should stop. I'm not going to.
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Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York City. I'm not saying New York is the Gay Mecca. But it's at least Gay-rusalem.
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It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
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North Korea is willing to go to any lengths for the whole world to honor its demands of 'Ooh, please pay attention to us.'
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