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Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate to women.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Much
Relate
World
Fantasy
Republican
Common
Idea
Nerds
Women
Nerd
Ideas
Republicans
Live
Worlds
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.
Stephen Colbert
Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.
Stephen Colbert
Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family!
Stephen Colbert
In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.
Stephen Colbert
To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.
Stephen Colbert
When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
Stephen Colbert
I hadn't intended to end up there. I meant to be a serious actor with a beard who wore a lot of black and wanted to share his misery with you.
Stephen Colbert
Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.
Stephen Colbert
I like talking about people who don't have any power and it seems like some of the least powerful people in the United States are the migrant workers who come and do our work and don't have any rights as a result. And yet we still invite them to come here, and at the same time ask them to leave.
Stephen Colbert
If you like Battlestar Galactica...you're probably a huge nerd.
Stephen Colbert
I could sit toe to toe at a potato table with anybody.
Stephen Colbert
I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a divided nation. Not between Democrats or Republicans, or conservatives and liberals, or tops and bottoms. No, we are divided by those who think with their head, and those who know with their heart.
Stephen Colbert
I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host.
Stephen Colbert
I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.
Stephen Colbert
I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation.
Stephen Colbert
If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.
Stephen Colbert
It's much better to invite the audience to be part of your show rather than saying, I command you to do this. The other thing is, you have to follow through. If you initiate a game and they take part, you can't stop until it reaches a mutually satisfying resolution.
Stephen Colbert
Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow.
Stephen Colbert
I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way.
Stephen Colbert
I'm more American than apple pie. I'm like apple pie, with a hot dog in it.
Stephen Colbert
