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Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate to women.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Live
Worlds
Much
Relate
World
Fantasy
Republican
Common
Idea
Nerds
Women
Nerd
Ideas
Republicans

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.
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Mentioning Jesus in your speech: Small government. Doing what Jesus asked: Big government.
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A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!?
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Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
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Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are.
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The greatest threat facing American today - next to voter fraud, the Western Pinebark beetle, and the memory foam mattress - is the national news media.
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I'm getting angry at liberals.
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First, [in high school], I smoked a lot of pot...and that's how I got to know the people 'half in' the society of my high school and we waved at each other over the bong. Then I got to know people by making jokes.
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Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.
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Some people perceive me as an assassin or at least someone who can slip under your guard with a knife. But if you watch what I do, that's almost never the case. I'm just trying to keep the balloon in the air. It rarely turns into anything combative.
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It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.
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Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
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Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans.
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New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.
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Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.
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You said in your book that at the end of the day, every politician is human. What about during the day?
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I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation.
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Luckily, a recent survey published in the American Sociological Review revealed that atheists are the least trusted group in America—less trusted, even, than homosexuals. It makes sense at least we trust the homosexuals with our hair.
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I like talking about people who don't have any power and it seems like some of the least powerful people in the United States are the migrant workers who come and do our work and don't have any rights as a result. And yet we still invite them to come here, and at the same time ask them to leave.
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Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry.
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