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When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Escape
Books
Talk
Read
Book
People

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are.
Stephen Colbert
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Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you.
Stephen Colbert
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Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate to women.
Stephen Colbert
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I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation.
Stephen Colbert
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Football is American why are the Romans numering our bowls?!
Stephen Colbert
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If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking.
Stephen Colbert
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I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
Stephen Colbert
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We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and Republicans alike....We voted for the people who voted for it, and then voted for the people who reauthorized it, then voted for the people who re-re-authorize d it.
Stephen Colbert
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There's nothing more I love than McDonald's dollar menu. With just the change I find between my couch cushions, I can eat something with the nutritional value of a couch cushion.
Stephen Colbert
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Nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays.
Stephen Colbert
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Agnostics are just atheists without balls.
Stephen Colbert
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After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call. Nation, I will seek the office of the president of the United States. I am doing it!
Stephen Colbert
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The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.
Stephen Colbert
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Destroying a religious symbol and building a religious center are really the same thing if you don't think about it.
Stephen Colbert
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Cameras are dangerous. With no waiting period or background check, any whack-job could just stroll into a Wal-Mart and walk out with a semi-automatic. Now, for years I've been pressing for stricter regulations on cameras, especially around our elected officials. Too many political lives have been cut short by some crazed shooter.
Stephen Colbert
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We don't have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it'll come flowing toward us like a river.
Stephen Colbert
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It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.
Stephen Colbert
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My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot. So we said, `Let's give him a promotion.'
Stephen Colbert
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Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.
Stephen Colbert
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If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.
Stephen Colbert