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It's no surprise I am addicted to all the Republican presidential candidates. They are like crack -- in that they will devastate black communities.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Communities
Candidates
Presidential
Surprise
Republican
Devastate
Community
Addicted
Black
Crack
Like
Cracks

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You CAN make an omelette without breaking eggs. It's just a really bad omelette.
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If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking.
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The beauty of new media is that no evidence is necessary. The brave blog-troopers have stormed the cockpit of news, and wrestled the joystick of authority away from the seasoned pilots of the press who would land our country at the Facts International Airport.
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If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
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I have always been a fan of reality by majority vote.
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In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.” Sorry, Darwin-huggers, but it’s not “In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.
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It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
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I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.
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Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
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Science attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing that comes from the gut is waste left from the digestion of food. That’s right, “waste.” I guess that means that scientists literally think our opinions should be flushed down the toilet!
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It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.
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Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.
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Make no mistake - they're coming for our guns. And we freedom-loving gun lovers are totally defenseless! Other than, you know, the guns.
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Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.
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Everybody loves dogs. They're the pizza of the animal kingdom.
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I know that the pope's infallible, but that doesn't mean he can't make mistakes.
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Obamacare needs the premiums of healthier people to cover the costs of sicker people. It's a devious con that can only be described as insurance.
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Truthiness is what you want the facts to be as opposed to what the facts are. What feels like the right answer as opposed to what reality will support.
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Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.
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If you think you can lead your flock of sheeple and peeps to some glorified noodle fest on the mall, you got another thing coming, mister.
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